As many of you know, I am VASTLY happy with my NEPAmamas group. They take up a lot of my time, and I don't mind. They're wonderful women, and I feel like I perform a service by facilititating their growth and development. That not withstanding, as I progress into the thirties, I find that friendships are inherently different.

Why?


Well, firstly, many of the friends you have, you've had FOREVER. New friendships are a different story. As Brandi said the other day, you don't just lean over the cafeteria table and say, "Hi, I'm Meg".

So how do you find the elusive 'friend' in your thirties? Some people find them at clubs, or at the gym. Moms often find them in PTOs or playgroups. But this is a limited pool. I mean, you can't really select your IDEAL friend this way, and you only have limited interaction in the hour your club meets, or the 15 minutes before you pick up little Johnny. And for whatever reason, women are especially self-conscious and shy about meeting new people in adulthood.

This poses an even more significant challenge if you MOVE in adulthood, as you lose the ties you already had and have to start fresh.





Does every mom in this group like one another? I imagine not. But I can almost guarantee everyone has met SOMEONE that they can bond with, socialize with and otherwise connect with on some level. And because it is primarily online, instead of 15 minutes or an hour, these women interact daily, thus picking up on one another's likes, dislikes and interests. Over 40 mom? We have those. Moms with tattooes? Got 'em. It's a veritable treasure trove shopping mall of friendship.

The greatest part? You can CHOOSE with whom you interact. It isn't work. It isn't the PTO. You don't have to be everyone's buddy, but you can be NICE to everyone and become close to those you choose.

So why, then, should I get messages that are derogatory, nasty and otherwise defaming to some of these women? It isn't that you have like everyone, but don't PRETEND to be everyone's friend, and then start groups to discuss them behind their backs. Don't send me comments like this:

or

The reason said person joined my group was b/c we are in the same circle of mutual friends and therefor they are on her friends list and she feels comfortable posting . Please know that said person's concern is not really with YOU but who follows you or hangs out with you (again same here), not sure if you are getting this but understand I am not the type of person to call out names. I personally think you are a good & kind hearted person and as far as the nepa group goes you are a great group owner too but this said person is a great person as well ( to me i think) therefore I honestly wouldn't want to see her leave my group.

Are we, or are we NOT adults? You could be in the same PTO with a mom you don't like but you can't be in an online GROUP with one? Worse yet, you remain in the group you claim is harboring people you don't like, but start another group to discuss them? I feel like I did when I was 8 and the kids on the block would form 'clubs' and keep out one or two people. We aren't children anymore. ACT LIKE ADULTS.

To conclude: you have credit cards, mortgages, kids, car payments...howza bout you develop a friggin backbone while you're at it?